You Are Not a Mistake

 

Sexual abuse can lead to more than a disruptive, lifelong memory of a traumatic event. It can bring a host of survival programs that we may see as nothing wrong until highlighted through inner work.

That's because they aren't wrong; they are survival tools. We use these tools or programs instinctively to move our way through work, relationships, or to exist another day simply.

It doesn't have to be like that. Existing was how I functioned until I learned I am not a mistake. I am perfection in progress.

Life after sexual trauma, or any other trauma, leads many to believe they are a mistake; the universe didn't know what it was bargaining for, all due to the beliefs held about themselves. I can witness that as real. The views I had about who I am were nothing short of self-loathing.

Add to that, while submerged deeply in the shadows of inner work, we may feel once again we are making a mistake or that we are one when we uncover awful truths.

Hear me again – YOU ARE NOT A MISTAKE.

Survival programs develop in response to our need for love and to know we matter to someone for more than a wall to project their most profound shame.

The tools (or survival programs) that we use might look like seeking external validation, develop dis-regulated attachments, or abuse ourselves. We can become conflicted in how we see ourselves.

I felt like an imposter for years while externally, I presented myself as a sensual, seductive, and bold woman when it came to seducing men. Internally I felt angry, hurt, shame, and that I was a mistake of nature. My feelings left a gaping hole inside and refilled with every opportunity to reinforce my belief of being a mistake.

I changed the narrative as I began to dig deeper into my story to find my feelings. Layer after layer of false messages was peeled away through each event I relived. Shadow work and hours of reflective journaling revealed a pattern I had never noticed before. I was punishing myself for being human and trying to survive.

We can embrace our past. We don't have to offer our abusers love. We don't have to accept what happened was part of bringing us to awareness. But when we embrace the past and integrate it into who we know we are, we see we are not a mistake and are here for a reason.

Growing with Love,

Sher


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