Hearing Brings Healing

 

What do you appreciate about yourself?

For me, it's appreciating good feelings of the small successful moments in a day. The tools gathered in the past few months to walk through the process of disconfirmation (thank you @themylesscott ) of old messages was the best gift I have ever given myself.

The trigger which presented me with startling effects last night is no longer present. Trusting the process that the feeling was temporary, I allowed myself to FEEL while sitting with it. Had I not allowed myself to process the trigger, the incident earlier today may not have resolved so quickly.

An ability to hear and position myself to a level of understanding the mixed up emotions of a child because of my inner child work prevented old stories from repeating and new ones took their place.

As parents, we only want to do the best we can for our children, and we are our own worst critics about our parenting skills. We become irritated, overtired, guilting ourselves when we aren't measuring up to the parents whom we compare ourselves.

Often, we are not equipped with the tools to understand what our children are feeling or how to hold space for them when they are experiencing their own emotions – ones that many times we aren't aware of ourselves.

Using today as an example of the effects of the skills developed to hold space and understand with compassion any child (or adult), I could diffuse what could have turned out to be a severe outburst of emotions from my grandson.

He was struggling with understanding his emotions and didn't realize what he needed in those moments. The adults in school did not hear this message – they heard "troubled child".

After spending a few moments with him in school, hearing him, and what he wasn't saying, I asked him one thing. What do you need most right now? He mentioned he wanted his dog. I heard, "I need to feel safe and loved." He felt insecure and unsure of himself, allowing his emotions to overrun his thinking, something I am familiar with myself.

We walked out to the car, he hugged and petted his dog and hugged me. The smile he returned in that very instant was like gold from the sunlight pouring out of him. This is what it's all about; this was the result of hearing him. He wasn't able to express his need to feel safe and loved, but because I was hearing him with the intent to understand, he answered my question of what he needed most.

He completed his school day with confidence, happiness, and showed up for himself in meaningful ways.

If this knowledge of how to understand and hear my children were part of my parenting toolbox in the past, perhaps their life may have been different – I can't say for sure. I know this second chance will not go to waste; the tools now in my possession to create a safe space for others will be used each opportunity.

We all want to feel loved and safe, something that costs nothing and lasts a lifetime.

Growing with Love,

S