You Aren't Alone

 

What does it take to share our sexual abuse story, and why do we share it?

When I first shared my story publicly, it was beyond uncomfortable. There were large amounts of anxiety leading up to the moment I opened up a little with people known only to me in an online community. Not everyone can or will share publicly; however, for those who do, the ongoing healing is beyond anything one can imagine.

Previously, I had shared my story with therapists and a few friends/family, but it was only the surface. I had not allowed myself to think of, let alone share, the depth of the abuse because there was something always missing: a safe, nonjudgmental space. You might think publicly sharing my story of sexual abuse isn't safe, but that's a false assumption, like all the other myths surrounding sexual violence.

I share my story publicly to help others feel safe enough to tell their story in whatever manner they think best for them. I share to offer hope and courage that life does not need to in the shadows or pretenses. I tell my story to lead others to the same courageous act of bringing sexual abuse into the light so it can be reduced and ultimately stopped.

When I share, and others hear or read parts of my story, knowing they aren't alone in their thoughts, that someone else is like them, proves the abuse doesn't happen again when it's spoken. They see the proof they can talk out loud about the injury, and there is nothing in between but themselves, their story, and space of love for them.

"...safe enough to tell their story...." is as critical as with whom you share. Sexual abuse survivors are limited in trust for apparent reasons. If we feel we are sharing with people who are critical, judgmental, or don't care to hear us, we won't share except for a blanket statement such as, "I was abused." or similar. The pain then remains, the shame is not released, false beliefs unresolved, and we continue to hold the painful meanings we assigned to the abuse.

When we share with others who have the same experiences, or publicly, we are validating ourselves, proving to ourselves the abuse happened, we are safe, loved, and will not be judged. Knowing why we share is essential as well. I've heard some chatter about "oversharing," and I'll address that briefly with one word: Bullshit.

There is no oversharing – that's others saying they can't handle the truth that there are more sexual abuse survivors than they are comfortable admitting. It can also be that they are not ready to accept their shame and detachment from their story. With sexual assault occurring every 73 seconds in the US alone every day, that's many survivors.

This point brings me to the "why" we share. Sexual abuse survivors share to bring healing. It doesn't come the first time we speak the truth. That brings the equivalent of ripping off the band-aid. When we share multiple times, each time something more comes out, and we can dis-confirm the false belief we created about ourselves at that moment.

We share our stories, so other survivors know they aren't alone. I want to explain that statement. We are fully aware there are millions of people affected by sexual abuse; that's not the "alone" part. Where many feel alone is our thoughts surrounding the meaning we have assigned to that abuse. Knowing others experience the same feelings and processes helps us feel heard – that someone understands.

Sharing also helps with self-validation. Many survivors have a feeling of being different, disconnected from the community. We feel alone. When we share, we are validating our feelings and thoughts and claiming it as our own; yes, it happened. This brings validation to our story, leading to embracing our truth and bringing an end to the false belief that we are alone.

Not everyone will want to hear from you. Not everyone will like what you have to share. Be okay with that. You aren't sharing for entertainment; you share for your healing for the millions of others who are affected by sexual abuse to know they aren't different – they are one of us. We are Lotus Warriors rising from the muck to live and love another day.

Grow with love,
Sher